


In My Dreams, He Had A Mouthful Of Diamonds.

by orphan_account



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 05:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his dreams, the world is collapsing around him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In My Dreams, He Had A Mouthful Of Diamonds.

In his dreams the world is collapsing around him.

_"Dream a little bigger, darling.", Eames says and everything around him is loud and the adrenaline is contagious and nothing matters._

It starts slow enough, the collapsing that is, and then speeds into a frenzy of fear and desperation, and every night he holds the ground below him, praying that gravity won't reverse herself again.

After the first dream Arthur wakes, entirely certain that where he is, is reality. By the tenth dream he rolls and rolls his die, waiting for an answer.

_"How did we get here?", He finds himself saying. Eames is across from him with a nasty grin on his face and Arthur knows that something is off. Eames shrugs and pours a glass of whiskey down his throat and Arthur can't remember if he had it in his hand earlier, earlier, where were they earlier? It's the beginning, he's sure of that, but their beginning is in the middle and the more Arthur starts to realize that, the more he starts to realize other things too, like how the rain is falling horizontally and how the sky seems far too vast and how Eames looks a bit too much like him._

He wakes with a jolt and forces his hands away from his nightstand, from his totem, from certainty. Eames, he later thinks, has never looked so cruel.

_"What were you before you were this?" Eames asks but Arthur can tell from the expression on his face, that he doesn't really want to know._

Arthur is patient. Arthur is calm. Arthur is reserved. In the dreams he is none of these. He dislikes the way his subconscious has chosen to portray him, but sometimes he sees himself in the mirror and wonders what exactly he has pushed down in his chest, somewhere behind his ribs.

_He's at one of his old apartments this time, he decides to ignore the strangeness this time. Eames is next to him drinking hot coffee._  
"You're very persistent." Eames smiles.  
"And you're surprised that you haven't grown tired of me yet." Arthur doesn't agree, but he doesn't deny it either. 

Arthur keeps the dreams to himself. He needs people to think he's sane.

He knows where Eames, the real Eames, is. He knows because he visits him whenever he can with a bouquet of violently clashing flowers and places them in front of the cold grey stone and he thinks about how Eames' grave is such a poor representation of him.

_"I miss you.", he says, his voice empty and hoarse and when Eames laughs he sounds so vibrant and alive and Arthur hates him he truly does._

_"Now we're getting somewhere, dear."_

Cobb, Ariadne, and even Yusuf call eventually. Arthur doesn't mention Eames (the same way Cobb never mentions Mal) and they don't mention him either.

"Arthur," Ariadne says, "Wake up."

And Arthur reminds himself that she saw right through Cobb. Of course she can see right through him, but Arthur thoughts come too soon, and he wakes with her sitting next to him laughing.

"The plane has landed." She says, batting his head off her shoulder.

And Arthur remembers that they are flying to America, to Cobb, for his birthday.

After he enters the house, all Arthur can think about is Mal. He keeps seeing her in the corner of his eye, he thinks she looks disappointed in him. She knows, Arthur thinks, she knows.

_This time it's different. It's not so much a dream, as it is a memory. Arthur is holding the PASIV and Eames is below him smiling and Arthur can hear them speaking but their lips aren't moving,_

_"Go to sleep, Mr. Eames."_

_"Find me, Arthur."_

Every night, Eames tells Arthur to find him.

Every night, Arthur tells Eames that he won't, that he can't.

_"Won't or can't?" Eames is frowning and Arthur marvels at how warm he is. They're pressed against each other this time. Eames below and Arthur above._

_"Both." Arthur says, and he feels empty in every way._

He doesn't leave his apartment, he doesn't need to. Everything he needs is locked up inside. (In his head, he thinks, curling around his brain.)

_"Have I always been this broken?" Eames looks up and grants him a curious look. Arthur continues, "I can feel myself falling apart, Eames. I don't know what to do anymore and that scares the shit out of me; it really does."_

_Eames is quiet and Arthur presses their lips together, he marvels at how dry they are, at how right they feel. Leave it to Arthur to remember things he assumed he'd long forgotten. Eames hums and pushes him away. "Arthur, darling, you're not in the right mind for this. I won't let you do this to yourself."_

_"Arthur, listen to me, you need to find me."_

_Arthur stops himself from sobbing, "I can't Eames. I fucking give up. I'm done with all of this. Why can't you just leave me alone?"_

_Eames' mouth quirks up at the corner; a small, sad smile and shakes his head, "You're not looking hard enough. Find me, Arthur, Find me."_

When Arthur wakes he presses his face into his pillow and cries, and as he cries he wonders who he's even crying for, and when night finally comes around he stares at the ceiling until his eyes begin to lull.

_"Look harder, Arthur. Dear, I'm right here."_

Oh, says Arthur, of course.

He thinks about Cobb and how easy it is to lose track of reality and how that's exactly what he's done. He doesn't roll his die this time, he doesn't need a piece of plastic to tell him what's real, and he almost can't believe that he's become this damaged. He can't believe that he can't stop himself.

_"Arthur, love, have you found me?"_

_"Yes, Eames, and I'm going to follow you."_

_Eames looks up from his book and smiles, his eyes glowing in the dim light._

_"I'll be waiting, you try not to disappoint me."_

_"Never."_

_Eames nods, "I know."_

In his dreams, the world is very dark and very damp, but in the end it's okay because Eames is there and he's waiting.

And Arthur is nothing if not punctual.  


**Author's Note:**

> Yikes, first fic ever. This is probably overrun with errors ugh. Title ~~stolen~~ borrowed from "In My Dreams, She Had A Mouthful Of Diamonds" by Wolf In A Spacesuit.
> 
> Previously posted @ lj


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